Hehe :), its 9 PM and prolly I can be forgiven for being a bit eccentric at this late hour :P. So, what is gonna follow is one random, one hell revisited, when the other was just another step removed. Tread with caution, tedium and boredom can be almost guaranteed.
Well, living with a bro who is 10 yrs younger to me, and parents who are atleast 23 years elder, when your average stay before this vacation for the past 17 years was 20 days to be precise, can make you almost saintly, almost numb, the brother being almost 20 steps ahead in terms of generation, and the parents being a 100 yards behind you :). But then, you learn patience, do the hard yards, and learn, imbibe, inculcate. Like, the last drop of water tweezing from the tap, taking its own sweet time, to fall, forming, reforming into a beeger crystal, gaining shape, gaining force, leaving behind pittance. For the past 3 days, I have spoken barely nothing, just gone through the motions, others laugh, I laugh, my dad watching the Shekhar Suman "Pol Khol" ventures his opinion on Mr. Mahajan, I nod my way through. My computer has developed this new ailment of not coming out of hibernation if someone leaves a CD inside the drive. My brother left a CD the last time he played on the comp. at arnd 3 PM, the earlier Ranjan would have screamed at him. I restarted the comp. and waited, silent, mum and waiting for the computer to hum its way through. Kinda the clock. Tick-tock, tock-tic, tic-toc. Or a time-bomb, as u mite prefer.
Its like my 3rd year in IIT days, when I had lost all my zeal and motivation to live thru another day, each morning being the exact replica of the previous one, when the only question that bothered me was, Why the hell did I wake up ??? The same monotonous mornings followed by the same moronic afternoons and the soporific evenings bring up the rear :). My best time is when I walk alone in the market, among crowds of people, crowding, thinking, forwarding, Gobbly-dock, Dobbly-gock. It feels amazing to be alone in such a mass of humanity, everyone ticking off a deadline, finalizing a deal in their heads, but are they happy ? Are they free in the truest sense of the word ? Ask them wat does happiness mean to them, and answers vary from a stable family life to being the owner of a porsche, but their eyes would betray an infinite sadness, so as to say, its not wat they really want, infact they donn even know what they want, its just a hook you find convenient enough to hang urself from and as Travolta says in Sword Fish, "Its all about misdirection, deception of the mind", and so it goes, you steer your mind to think that ABC makes you happy, but then you have already forgotten the most basic principle of the Universe, that we all have magic within us, the power to make the world move, the only catch being able to read the signs which would lead us to our own Alchemist, but right from the day our souls metamorph into this world, we misdirect ourselves into being a Good human being and in the process forget why we are here in the 1st place ! Its like trying to fly like an albatross and in the process, getting it around your neck and then making a noose out of it !
Okay, I am coming across as maxx cantankerous, but trust me dats only the tip of the iceberg :)). Its amazing how selfish we become, its always our happiness, our way of life, as to why people donn stop by to ask how are we ? Why doesnt everyone else talk about me, me and only me ! But, do we evveh think hv we done to others wat we would have wanted to be done unto us :) ? I myself, am one of the beegest culpable culprits of this sort, having ruined almost every relationship I have evver been in, ohh and by "relationships" I mean, of all varieties, friends, relatives, "flings" and all dat. And wats staggering is the different ways I find to destroy each bond I have :), and end up being in square one, a loner now and for time to come, I guess. But, then you become innured to the fact that you need socializing to survive, afterall Man is a social Animal :P.In a way its grr8, because in a sense you become the ultimate pro, with a smiling mask for everyone, sticking to your work and not letting emotions dither your judgements, but again, dats open to discussion, if that's the best way to make decisions, afterall "Dil Se" is wat we Indians, atleast, do best :))...And a lesson i have learnt is dat the best friends I have today are the ones wid whom I have been totally professional, laughing wen we are together and then letting time pass by w/o holding onto them as the catch phrase goes, like playing peekaboo, open your eyes, and I will vanish, I am only a bad nightmare (wat an oxymoron, nahin :P) ?
Hehe, moving onto my fav topic of discussion, movies :)), watched Kabhi Alvida Na kehna trailers and I think its Silsila revisited with rather a fiery Aby's Baby stepping into the shoes of the much more sedate Sanjeev Kumar and Zinta reprising Jaya's role while Shahrukh and Rani play the dashing duo :), but I hope Karan Johar is novel this time around and its not such a blatant rip-off of all things. Hehe, atleast make Rani and Shahrukh meet post-marriage and then fall in love, breaking the sacrosanct Indian "marriages made in heaven" mould and touch base with reality once. The songs by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy are juss dat, Karan Johar type songs, and the slow theme song actually touched my heart, with my current state...
Ho reha Hai Judaa dono ka Raasta,
Door Jaake Bhi Mujhse Tum Meri Yaadon Mein Rehna,
Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna...
Dat definitely struck some chord. On the principle of "extra-marital" affairs, are they dat bad as they are made out to be ? Sample the philosophy of Plato as to how men and women came to be. Initially mortals were a unisexual creature with four arms and legs and they could procreate on their own. So, all the gods went to Zeus, and complained dat Boss, this creature needs no help in life, and will grow to be more stronger and resolute than Gods themselves, which would obviously deny gods with their favorite pastime, playing video-games with Mortal lives !!! So, Zeus, powered forth with his grr8 wisdom, struck a bolt of lightening, which bifurcated the creature into two, and thus were created Man and Woman (ohh, I know this is not wat Bible says, but then :))..so, all our lives, all we want is to search for our other half, like two perfect hemispheres trying to roll, drag, rust themselves towards finding each other and hence, the perfect fit. We find someone, and we think, ohh he / she is that hemisphere, the one which completes us, which makes us whole, who makes us want to be a better person. But the dream lingers on for a while, and we conclude it was only a mirage, the search is still on. And thus the search goes on. For some people, the search is never there, because of the Albatross, and for some, it never ends, because they have no idea where did the Videogamers up there choose to put the Perfect one :).
Okay, enuff of Heavy stuff.
Adios :), and keep rolling :P
ranjan
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